Published November 17, 2006
Fire
Cinders blushing red,
Seeking wood. Desperate flames
Jump from log to log.
Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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141,368 Literary Works • 674,383 Reviews
Thanks for replying guys! I took your advice and re-wrote it.-London
I like them too...
Umm.. the last line really didn't work well.
That was a good try i'll call it.
Keep writing.
-Ani.
I like haikus! I may be the only one who does like them in this site, but still!
I think that too many weak words are used in this. Like ashes... ashes imply something that is gray and dusty. Perhaps you're thinking of embers? And brightly is such a typical word of fire... I would go for something a little more bolder.
The middle line...don't use memorable. It doesn't mean anything. It seems like you're only trying to go for syllable count. So, instead of memorable, think of other words that indirectly link up with fire.
Yeah... hope that helped!
Well, I am not fond of Haiku's...at all. I feel they lack meaning.
So, as far as my haiku expertise goes...this is good. But I don't like the last line...it doesn't make a statement.
Sorry I can't be much help.
Meg